A quick survival guide on three hellish weeks..EXAM TIMES!

Dear fellow students and readers,

we truly hope that the past few months back at University have been filled with alcohol, ecstatic dancing in clubs, making new friends (who are as weird as you,) exciting hook-up sessions followed by horrific hangovers, day trips and adventures, lazy TV and food days where you promised you’d do work (this probably accounts for 80% of your time) and sleeping through your lectures! Why? Because all of this must have been worth (and we all know it was) ignoring all the work now awaiting you before … DADADUMMMM… EXAMS!

But fear not! We are ready and about to give you some irreplaceable advice on how to survive during the prime period of your course during which you will actually acquire some knowledge about what you are studying. Easy though...You will most likely have spent your holidays at home, taking at least a week to chill out and concentrate on family and friends. You may have had a ‘pet chat’ with your dog, goldfish or whatever animal you have accepted into your family as yet another sibling. Bombarded your mum with compliments about her cooking, because let’s face it, her food tastes like heaven compared to all the plain cheesy pasta and baked beans dishes you’ve been living off. And naturally told your friends about all the crackbrained shit you did over the past months, trying to convince them that your uni without a doubt is the place to be!

That may already seem like a distant memory but rest assured the next couple of days will fly by and that there is no point in postponing your revision anymore (unless you want to fail the year of course which is also an option – we are not judging!) Most of you are sitting on your parent’s or the government’s money so you might as well make the best of it; unless you have a talent that will guarantee you a secure spot in Hollywood to make money that is! But don’t panic! Exams might seem like the gateway to hell but it is only a matter of how you view them. Here’s some advice on how to have the most productive (and fun) time whilst studying for your exams:

1. Go shopping (with your mum) before starting work. And by shopping we do not mean bags, clothes and shoes no no! FOOOOOOOOD! You will need LOADS for your study period including; Haribo, chocolate, crisps, bananas, apples, blueberries, nuts, seeds (yeah…let’s pretend we are healthy human beings who believe in brain food!) and energy drinks! Please be careful with the latter though, people react differently to this stuff. There is the ever-present danger of entering a hyper state with laughing fits lasting for hours (at that point you might as well stop studying and start taking ‘shrooms…)
2. Do not shut out everyone while you are studying. Of course you are allowed to be a studious caveman/woman in your little study burrow but once in a while, do come out and socialize (even if it’s just with your pet) – we promise it’ll make you feel like somewhere out there you still have a life.
3. Get out of bed. We know, that’s the hard part: Bed is too warm and comfy, the house feels like you’ve just woken up in Siberia because none of your student household can afford to put the heating on. Say you plan to be up and ready to tackle the next mountain of extra reading and lecture slides at 10 (sounds like the perfect median between being too keen and too lazy), set your alarm for 8.30. That gives you enough time to get so wound up about the snooze button on your alarm clock you will actually get out of bed.
4. Stop pretending that looking all stylish will help you gain those few extra marks. Forget make-up and hairstyles, onesies and pyjamas, oversized jumpers and joggers for the win. It is highly unlikely Prince Charming will come and find you during exam period to take you away on a dreamy ball anyways…he’ll be too busy revising too!
5. Become acquainted with the library. We know most of you just pulled a slightly dubious face questioning our sanity but once you’ve been, it seems less like a sea-monster wanting to swallow you alive. Not only do you have all the resources on-site, but (and insiders will be aware of this) the library is often the place with the highest density of fit girls and hot boys anywhere on campus. Don’t believe it? Check it out yourself! Don’t dare to tell the hot blonde across the room who seems oh-so-immersed in her studies you fancy her? Take a break and visit your uni’s equivalent of Spotted: Loughborough University to send in an anonymous post about your fellow sufferers.

But alas…

With that, we must return to our own revision and leave you to your hours of panicking, reading the same page a million times because you simply cannot focus, last-minute cramming and overeating. After all, we’re all in this together (thank you Highschool Musical, you have taught us this mantra well!) And in the end, it’ll be over sooner than you fear and celebratory drinks will let you forget the time you put your social life on hold.
Good luck everyone! 

HAVE YOU CHECKED FACEBOOK TODAY?

Now, up next is something we bet ALL of you have something to say about. And if you say you don’t, you’re clearly lying. It’s FACEBOOK time!

Before starting off on our little adventure on the super important rules when clicking your way through facebook, we would like to introduce you to the most frequent types of facebook users:

a) the occasional user. This type of person has only joined facebook pretty recently. You will find hardly any personal information, photos or wall activity on his or her site. Try sending them a message – you’ll be counting the days until they get back to you!
b) The normal user. You have quite an amount of hilarious party pictures (the right amount that suggests you’re always up for a good night out, but nonetheless you’re not overdoing it), you’re linked on various friends’ photos (to prove to the online community you are socially well established!) and you have enough information (very carefully placed and worded) to get people interested in you.
c) The addict. You either spend a lot of time in front of the computer or you made the fatal mistake of buying a smartphone and thereby connecting yourself to facebook 24/7. Your comments, photos and posts appear daily in the newsfeed of all of your friends.
d) Lost with no perspective of return. The modern world has lost you to facebook. You’re the type who, probably as we speak, is mentally phrasing his next status update. You post pictures WHILE at a party, and you love informing the world about the VIP life you’re leading. We certainly agree, the world must know you just got up, had an apple for breakfast, went to shower longer than usually, need to go shopping, just had food, talked on the phone…

Found yourself in there? On with the show then! Whatever type of person you are when it comes to facebook-ing, there are certain rules that apply to everyone. You’re about to be enlightened on:
How to show the world that you are the perfect facebook user.

1)  Oh my gosh I’m sooo over that twat!” Yes you may have broken up with your ex, but don’t LIE- every time their relationship status changes or their new profile picture is a sweet pic of him/her with a hot, thin and incredibly good looking human being beside him chillin’ at the mall you have a fit. So YES it’s fine to stalk your ex- but NEVER like his/her status or comment on old photos you wouldn’t wanna look like you’re having second thoughts (even if you know you do!!)
2)  Keeping your friends close -and your enemies closer! Let’s put the social-all-loving crap apart we all have someone we don’t like. Whether that dislike is obvious or not we secretly wanna keep track of what’s going on in their lives- just to gossip of course. Thus don’t hide your enemies’ posts and status updates you may never know what mean little surprises they behold. Oh and also of course they’re doing the same, thus keep the competition going!
3)  FRAPE- “Peter Style LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEES COCK” “Peter Style is gaaaayy!!!” “Peter Style 073716673 for SEXXX I like it up the ass”

Like really guys? It’s getting old…If you get the amazing opportunity to embarrass one of your friends in front of the whole virtual world at least GET CREATIVE. 
4)  We all know your life’s an on-going tragedy. Whether you got fucked last night, whether you’re late for your nine am lecture or whether it’s your granny’s birthday tomorrow – let’s face it, you’re not Madonna. Please allow the virtual world to live without minute-by-minute updates of your amazingly busy and overly exciting life. 
5)  Collecting friends. Don’t go over 600 friends and even half of those won’t be your actual friends but just some guys you’ve met and talked to on a drunken night out or whilst traveling. Unless you’re the local priest who should know his whole community  KEEP IT REAL.

These are just a few out of hundreds of tips on how to be a professional facebooker, get back to us if you need more- otherwise remember: FACEBOOK IS NOT YOUR LIFE.

The WEEkend.

Thank US, it's weekend.

 It's been a tough week?

You got up insanely early and then of course went to bed extremely late?

You've worked your butt off?

...Well..... GET READY PEOPLE 'CAUSE IT'S SATURDAY. 

You're so exhausted from the week and all you wanna do is sleep? TOUGH LUCK buddy, you won't be getting any this weekend! It's time to get fully TOASTED.

ATTENTION: Here is some advice concerning your night out. 

When being drunk;

Your enemy: tells you to shut the fuck up.
The one you dislike: tells you to get outta here.

The one who thinks he knows you: tells you to drink a glass of water and lay down
A good friend: tells you it’s enough now, you better stop, he/she’s going to get you home.

Your best friend: is totally shit-faced and asks you to have another drink.

If you’re drunk and are in the mood for the shift, just say so, the rest lies with your mate’s abilities of finding out which guy is suitable- avoid guys that follow this pattern of characteristics: desperate ones, <<you’re the love of my life..>>- ones, in search for a serious relationship- type of guys, blondes with curly hair( cheeky bastards!), boring ones, guys with a weird mouth shape (you never know where that might have come from..),I’m-proud-of-my-beer-belly-ones. Everything else is just a matter of taste really!

You are in an aggressive, drunken mood and have no one to start a fight with apart from your best friend..? Well, get going and start throwing some ridiculous insults at her/him, try not to laugh and imitate a mental breakdown if he(she asks you for something. Treat him/her as your slave, boss them around and give ‘em dirty looks… after all if they really are your best friends, they’ll understand and play their part.

When wondering where your brain cells have gone to after a mad weekend packed with booze and birds, get yourself some nice SPIEGEL TV CDs and watch it with your mate. Exclusive hint: Choose topics which are discussable and provoke strong feelings- you will have an awesome philosophical debate over it.

- Enjoy!

AWKWARD.

Hello to you! If things are getting awkward around you,..fear not! There is a solution for everything, we promise. This post will revolve around the very well-known yet always extremely hard to tackle topic: What to do and how to behave when entering the famous "Awkward silence".

Solution 1) The random comment. This could for example be a discussion about whether Yetis actually exist, what kind of animal they are or whether they are in any way related to BIG FOOT. There is a high guarantee that none of your friends or people sharing the awkward moment with you will know the answer, because no one will have ever thought about such things before. This is your aim. To get people thinking about anything BUT that this is an awkward moment. 

Congratulations, you have just created the perfect distraction. 

Solution 2) Highlight the awkward moment. When everyone else is standing there in embarrassed silence, you will proclaim: "Wow. This is really awkward." This increases the pressure on people around you to break the awkwardness. Congratulations, you have managed to pass on the awkwardness! 

Solution 3) Do the creep. (Reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPZmPaHme0) 

This can have 2 different effects: EITHER people will start laughing hysterically and won't be able to stop because you’re just such a freakin’ hilarious human being OR the people you are surrounded by will smile at you half-heartedly and slowly but surely move away. At this stage they might be thinking “ WHAT THE HELL is wrong with this one?!”

Solution 4) Start a religious discussion. This could for example be done by saying: "Well...the other day, I was wondering about whether Jesus himself was actually ever (insert an interesting activity / person / fact)...". Now hopefully there will be a religious person in the room - it’s always more interesting to have someone who tries finding answers to insoluble religious questions by saying “God is almighty- he can do what he wants”.

Solution 5) Pass on the awkwardness. Pick one of the awkwardly silenced girls / boys and ask them a really intimate question. A good starter would be: “So what boob size are you on this year? I’d guess you increased didn’t ya?”

Solution 6) The last escape. If nothing else works for you, and if all of your entrails are turned upside down, and you seriously fear that you are about to break under the pressure of awkwardness - you have to run. And by this we obviously mean a dignified, elegant run - the one where you a) quickly locate the corner nearest to you b) you then approach the corner hurriedly but not yet running and c) then the moment you turn around the corner - you are free to sprint like there is no tomorrow.

Being emotional- yes, it's a profession!

There comes a time in life when you are on an emotional voyage… by this we mean that your hormones will be inviting you to “fair” game of trick or treat! Get acquainted with a bit of advice on how to behave when bewildered by the following emotions:

1)    Disinterest:

in case of disinterest it is important to make your counterpart feel as if what he/she is talking about is the only thing that matters to you, thus train yourself to be able to talk with one other voice apart from your normal voice- it should be fairly high and extremely agitated. Now, never stop looking at your counterpart, have your eyes wide open and sit upright. Are you actually listening to what he/she says?-Of course not! You. Just. Stare.

If the person asks you a question you respond with your 2^nd voice, nod impetously in agreement and choose one of the following answers:

“toooooootalllyyyy….”

“you fuckin’ with meee??”

“aha,yeah aha..alrigh..yeeeeah …AHA YEEEAH”

“fresh.”

Result: the person will soon get annoyed and will stop talking to you. Goal achieved you can go back and do what you were doing before being unnecessarily disturbed.

2)   True excitement:

In the case that you heard/saw/felt something that you feel strongly about and your face turns red as a tomato and you may even hyperventilate, keep one thing in mind: DO NOT SHOW IT.

Why? Dude, because it makes you super uncool and in the end you may be even be deluded.

Thus, keep a calm face, think of something sad and just respond with “quality.” Don’t show ANY emotions. Then you slowly leave the room in a very orderly and slow manner making everyone stare at you in AWE.

BUT it is not over: We agree that there is no one who can truly keep his excitement forever. Thus, in a next step you go search your best mate and here you are free to EXPLODE: scream and jump around, make strange noises to show that you are so excited you’re not even human anymore.

3)   Severe depression

Yes. We all know the days where we found out that every single dress you thought looked hot on the mannequin in the shop window makes you look horrible, where you have eaten a ton of junk for to overcome frustration, and where you have discovered that a) you gained weight around your hips but b) decreased in bra size. Those days make you feel like you’re in some shit hole place. But – it’s fine. After calling your best friend (who obviously totally gets what you’re on about), you put on a huge jumper, get some food and crawl into bed watching either your favourite series or you start facebook stalking. When going for option b, facebook stalking remember: don’t stalk the amazing girls with beautiful dresses that look good in every single fricken picture. Go for the leekish, ugly ones that make you feel better about yourself. This mood gives you permission to be this selfish and rude. Also, it’s okay to scream at your siblings in case they dare disturb or annoy you.

The Entertainer.

Our first post will revolve around a very omnipresent task in your life: How to be an awesome entertainer. Before we get started, let's get some important things straight: In order to be an awesome entertainer, there is one thing you must never forget: 

You are a fricken legend. Your genius mind will never fail to provide you with the right amount of awkward, kinky or inappropriate comments.

Now - off we go on our first adventure through life's moments: How to be the enterainer in a group of people.

1) You need to make sure that there are enough drinks. With enough drinks - and by that we clearly mean strong drinks - half the rent is paid. We are talking about the “Vodka is my water” drink. 
2) Get a bunch of non-talkative, unfunny, rude, quiet or lame people into your mix of other awesome friends. They are the ones that will be easiest target.
3) Bring in a few memorable quotes that will later be discussed in people's facebook statuses. Yeah, you know how to write history. Quite literally. 
4) Don't ever - and this one is important - lose sight of your best friend. Without her or him, your qualities of being an awesome entertainer decrease drastically.
5) Put on a theatre play. Since you're used to that from pretty much every deadboring lesson in highschool, you will have become a natural at that over time. Use your best friend as your partner. Scream and swear at each other, make accusations - be anything and most of all BOLD. Remember - being an entertainer is about attracting attention. So that's your main goal.
6) Another note: Your most important room will be the toilet. This is where things get exciting. Just make sure to talk / scream loudly enough, your aim here is to be heard. It gets people gossiping about what is going on inside. Here, it's important to memorise that bad press is good press. Attention is worth anything and everything. 
7) Last but not least: As an entertainer, you must never be the last one to leave the party. Quite simply because you need to make people aware of the fact that the moment you leave - the coolness factor of the party drops dramatically. 




Enough for now, fellow readers! Lesson one is learned, and we will be back sooner than you know to continue our little adventure.

Germination.

Germination is the process by which a dormant seed (our idea) begins to sprout and grow into a seedling under the right growing conditions (your interest).

Fellow readers!

This is not a blog like ANY blog. It’s not complicated, not self-centered, not boring, not depressing, not exaggerated ….but most of all not FAKE.

It’s a blog about life. Even more: A blog about the philosophy of life.

The two young ladies who are writing what you are currently reading collected their experiences during two years of almost EVERYTHING.

Highschool.Studying.Exams.Parents.Siblings.Mates.Fun.Music.Partying.Exhaustion.Drink.Drugs?Safety!Jokes.Work.Traveling.EXHAUSTION.

After only about 2 years of being what we call “Best Friends”- we decided to work with what we experienced and to develop a philosophy for individuals like us (which is pretty much every teenager and almost-adult and also young adult on this planet).
To find your way around our little philosophical maze of situations, patterns of behaviour and challenges in life, we are giving each and every one a label - hence why this is "life according to labels". What else is easier than categorizing bits and pieces by tags such as:


Awkward.Embarrassing.Lifechanging!How to-...Memorable.Funny.Random.Inventive.SOS!Glorious.Hilarious. 


Right - these are the facts. Now it's time for the ideas. We are now what we call "off on our way" but we hope to be seeing you again soon around here...