The WEEkend.

Thank US, it's weekend.

 It's been a tough week?

You got up insanely early and then of course went to bed extremely late?

You've worked your butt off?

...Well..... GET READY PEOPLE 'CAUSE IT'S SATURDAY. 

You're so exhausted from the week and all you wanna do is sleep? TOUGH LUCK buddy, you won't be getting any this weekend! It's time to get fully TOASTED.

ATTENTION: Here is some advice concerning your night out. 

When being drunk;

Your enemy: tells you to shut the fuck up.
The one you dislike: tells you to get outta here.

The one who thinks he knows you: tells you to drink a glass of water and lay down
A good friend: tells you it’s enough now, you better stop, he/she’s going to get you home.

Your best friend: is totally shit-faced and asks you to have another drink.

If you’re drunk and are in the mood for the shift, just say so, the rest lies with your mate’s abilities of finding out which guy is suitable- avoid guys that follow this pattern of characteristics: desperate ones, <<you’re the love of my life..>>- ones, in search for a serious relationship- type of guys, blondes with curly hair( cheeky bastards!), boring ones, guys with a weird mouth shape (you never know where that might have come from..),I’m-proud-of-my-beer-belly-ones. Everything else is just a matter of taste really!

You are in an aggressive, drunken mood and have no one to start a fight with apart from your best friend..? Well, get going and start throwing some ridiculous insults at her/him, try not to laugh and imitate a mental breakdown if he(she asks you for something. Treat him/her as your slave, boss them around and give ‘em dirty looks… after all if they really are your best friends, they’ll understand and play their part.

When wondering where your brain cells have gone to after a mad weekend packed with booze and birds, get yourself some nice SPIEGEL TV CDs and watch it with your mate. Exclusive hint: Choose topics which are discussable and provoke strong feelings- you will have an awesome philosophical debate over it.

- Enjoy!

AWKWARD.

Hello to you! If things are getting awkward around you,..fear not! There is a solution for everything, we promise. This post will revolve around the very well-known yet always extremely hard to tackle topic: What to do and how to behave when entering the famous "Awkward silence".

Solution 1) The random comment. This could for example be a discussion about whether Yetis actually exist, what kind of animal they are or whether they are in any way related to BIG FOOT. There is a high guarantee that none of your friends or people sharing the awkward moment with you will know the answer, because no one will have ever thought about such things before. This is your aim. To get people thinking about anything BUT that this is an awkward moment. 

Congratulations, you have just created the perfect distraction. 

Solution 2) Highlight the awkward moment. When everyone else is standing there in embarrassed silence, you will proclaim: "Wow. This is really awkward." This increases the pressure on people around you to break the awkwardness. Congratulations, you have managed to pass on the awkwardness! 

Solution 3) Do the creep. (Reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPZmPaHme0) 

This can have 2 different effects: EITHER people will start laughing hysterically and won't be able to stop because you’re just such a freakin’ hilarious human being OR the people you are surrounded by will smile at you half-heartedly and slowly but surely move away. At this stage they might be thinking “ WHAT THE HELL is wrong with this one?!”

Solution 4) Start a religious discussion. This could for example be done by saying: "Well...the other day, I was wondering about whether Jesus himself was actually ever (insert an interesting activity / person / fact)...". Now hopefully there will be a religious person in the room - it’s always more interesting to have someone who tries finding answers to insoluble religious questions by saying “God is almighty- he can do what he wants”.

Solution 5) Pass on the awkwardness. Pick one of the awkwardly silenced girls / boys and ask them a really intimate question. A good starter would be: “So what boob size are you on this year? I’d guess you increased didn’t ya?”

Solution 6) The last escape. If nothing else works for you, and if all of your entrails are turned upside down, and you seriously fear that you are about to break under the pressure of awkwardness - you have to run. And by this we obviously mean a dignified, elegant run - the one where you a) quickly locate the corner nearest to you b) you then approach the corner hurriedly but not yet running and c) then the moment you turn around the corner - you are free to sprint like there is no tomorrow.

Being emotional- yes, it's a profession!

There comes a time in life when you are on an emotional voyage… by this we mean that your hormones will be inviting you to “fair” game of trick or treat! Get acquainted with a bit of advice on how to behave when bewildered by the following emotions:

1)    Disinterest:

in case of disinterest it is important to make your counterpart feel as if what he/she is talking about is the only thing that matters to you, thus train yourself to be able to talk with one other voice apart from your normal voice- it should be fairly high and extremely agitated. Now, never stop looking at your counterpart, have your eyes wide open and sit upright. Are you actually listening to what he/she says?-Of course not! You. Just. Stare.

If the person asks you a question you respond with your 2^nd voice, nod impetously in agreement and choose one of the following answers:

“toooooootalllyyyy….”

“you fuckin’ with meee??”

“aha,yeah aha..alrigh..yeeeeah …AHA YEEEAH”

“fresh.”

Result: the person will soon get annoyed and will stop talking to you. Goal achieved you can go back and do what you were doing before being unnecessarily disturbed.

2)   True excitement:

In the case that you heard/saw/felt something that you feel strongly about and your face turns red as a tomato and you may even hyperventilate, keep one thing in mind: DO NOT SHOW IT.

Why? Dude, because it makes you super uncool and in the end you may be even be deluded.

Thus, keep a calm face, think of something sad and just respond with “quality.” Don’t show ANY emotions. Then you slowly leave the room in a very orderly and slow manner making everyone stare at you in AWE.

BUT it is not over: We agree that there is no one who can truly keep his excitement forever. Thus, in a next step you go search your best mate and here you are free to EXPLODE: scream and jump around, make strange noises to show that you are so excited you’re not even human anymore.

3)   Severe depression

Yes. We all know the days where we found out that every single dress you thought looked hot on the mannequin in the shop window makes you look horrible, where you have eaten a ton of junk for to overcome frustration, and where you have discovered that a) you gained weight around your hips but b) decreased in bra size. Those days make you feel like you’re in some shit hole place. But – it’s fine. After calling your best friend (who obviously totally gets what you’re on about), you put on a huge jumper, get some food and crawl into bed watching either your favourite series or you start facebook stalking. When going for option b, facebook stalking remember: don’t stalk the amazing girls with beautiful dresses that look good in every single fricken picture. Go for the leekish, ugly ones that make you feel better about yourself. This mood gives you permission to be this selfish and rude. Also, it’s okay to scream at your siblings in case they dare disturb or annoy you.

The Entertainer.

Our first post will revolve around a very omnipresent task in your life: How to be an awesome entertainer. Before we get started, let's get some important things straight: In order to be an awesome entertainer, there is one thing you must never forget: 

You are a fricken legend. Your genius mind will never fail to provide you with the right amount of awkward, kinky or inappropriate comments.

Now - off we go on our first adventure through life's moments: How to be the enterainer in a group of people.

1) You need to make sure that there are enough drinks. With enough drinks - and by that we clearly mean strong drinks - half the rent is paid. We are talking about the “Vodka is my water” drink. 
2) Get a bunch of non-talkative, unfunny, rude, quiet or lame people into your mix of other awesome friends. They are the ones that will be easiest target.
3) Bring in a few memorable quotes that will later be discussed in people's facebook statuses. Yeah, you know how to write history. Quite literally. 
4) Don't ever - and this one is important - lose sight of your best friend. Without her or him, your qualities of being an awesome entertainer decrease drastically.
5) Put on a theatre play. Since you're used to that from pretty much every deadboring lesson in highschool, you will have become a natural at that over time. Use your best friend as your partner. Scream and swear at each other, make accusations - be anything and most of all BOLD. Remember - being an entertainer is about attracting attention. So that's your main goal.
6) Another note: Your most important room will be the toilet. This is where things get exciting. Just make sure to talk / scream loudly enough, your aim here is to be heard. It gets people gossiping about what is going on inside. Here, it's important to memorise that bad press is good press. Attention is worth anything and everything. 
7) Last but not least: As an entertainer, you must never be the last one to leave the party. Quite simply because you need to make people aware of the fact that the moment you leave - the coolness factor of the party drops dramatically. 




Enough for now, fellow readers! Lesson one is learned, and we will be back sooner than you know to continue our little adventure.

Germination.

Germination is the process by which a dormant seed (our idea) begins to sprout and grow into a seedling under the right growing conditions (your interest).

Fellow readers!

This is not a blog like ANY blog. It’s not complicated, not self-centered, not boring, not depressing, not exaggerated ….but most of all not FAKE.

It’s a blog about life. Even more: A blog about the philosophy of life.

The two young ladies who are writing what you are currently reading collected their experiences during two years of almost EVERYTHING.

Highschool.Studying.Exams.Parents.Siblings.Mates.Fun.Music.Partying.Exhaustion.Drink.Drugs?Safety!Jokes.Work.Traveling.EXHAUSTION.

After only about 2 years of being what we call “Best Friends”- we decided to work with what we experienced and to develop a philosophy for individuals like us (which is pretty much every teenager and almost-adult and also young adult on this planet).
To find your way around our little philosophical maze of situations, patterns of behaviour and challenges in life, we are giving each and every one a label - hence why this is "life according to labels". What else is easier than categorizing bits and pieces by tags such as:


Awkward.Embarrassing.Lifechanging!How to-...Memorable.Funny.Random.Inventive.SOS!Glorious.Hilarious. 


Right - these are the facts. Now it's time for the ideas. We are now what we call "off on our way" but we hope to be seeing you again soon around here...