HAVE YOU CHECKED FACEBOOK TODAY?

Now, up next is something we bet ALL of you have something to say about. And if you say you don’t, you’re clearly lying. It’s FACEBOOK time!

Before starting off on our little adventure on the super important rules when clicking your way through facebook, we would like to introduce you to the most frequent types of facebook users:

a) the occasional user. This type of person has only joined facebook pretty recently. You will find hardly any personal information, photos or wall activity on his or her site. Try sending them a message – you’ll be counting the days until they get back to you!
b) The normal user. You have quite an amount of hilarious party pictures (the right amount that suggests you’re always up for a good night out, but nonetheless you’re not overdoing it), you’re linked on various friends’ photos (to prove to the online community you are socially well established!) and you have enough information (very carefully placed and worded) to get people interested in you.
c) The addict. You either spend a lot of time in front of the computer or you made the fatal mistake of buying a smartphone and thereby connecting yourself to facebook 24/7. Your comments, photos and posts appear daily in the newsfeed of all of your friends.
d) Lost with no perspective of return. The modern world has lost you to facebook. You’re the type who, probably as we speak, is mentally phrasing his next status update. You post pictures WHILE at a party, and you love informing the world about the VIP life you’re leading. We certainly agree, the world must know you just got up, had an apple for breakfast, went to shower longer than usually, need to go shopping, just had food, talked on the phone…

Found yourself in there? On with the show then! Whatever type of person you are when it comes to facebook-ing, there are certain rules that apply to everyone. You’re about to be enlightened on:
How to show the world that you are the perfect facebook user.

1)  Oh my gosh I’m sooo over that twat!” Yes you may have broken up with your ex, but don’t LIE- every time their relationship status changes or their new profile picture is a sweet pic of him/her with a hot, thin and incredibly good looking human being beside him chillin’ at the mall you have a fit. So YES it’s fine to stalk your ex- but NEVER like his/her status or comment on old photos you wouldn’t wanna look like you’re having second thoughts (even if you know you do!!)
2)  Keeping your friends close -and your enemies closer! Let’s put the social-all-loving crap apart we all have someone we don’t like. Whether that dislike is obvious or not we secretly wanna keep track of what’s going on in their lives- just to gossip of course. Thus don’t hide your enemies’ posts and status updates you may never know what mean little surprises they behold. Oh and also of course they’re doing the same, thus keep the competition going!
3)  FRAPE- “Peter Style LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEES COCK” “Peter Style is gaaaayy!!!” “Peter Style 073716673 for SEXXX I like it up the ass”

Like really guys? It’s getting old…If you get the amazing opportunity to embarrass one of your friends in front of the whole virtual world at least GET CREATIVE. 
4)  We all know your life’s an on-going tragedy. Whether you got fucked last night, whether you’re late for your nine am lecture or whether it’s your granny’s birthday tomorrow – let’s face it, you’re not Madonna. Please allow the virtual world to live without minute-by-minute updates of your amazingly busy and overly exciting life. 
5)  Collecting friends. Don’t go over 600 friends and even half of those won’t be your actual friends but just some guys you’ve met and talked to on a drunken night out or whilst traveling. Unless you’re the local priest who should know his whole community  KEEP IT REAL.

These are just a few out of hundreds of tips on how to be a professional facebooker, get back to us if you need more- otherwise remember: FACEBOOK IS NOT YOUR LIFE.